Surgery went well. The recovery was going great until I got the drains out 5 days ago and immediately ran 38.9 that is still going. Got sent to urgent care, got a horse's dose of antibiotic on Sunday but it's not better. So I wonder if I actually picked up some COVID? Normally I always have tests at home, but I used my last one the day before surgery itself. So I'll have to wait until tomorrow my partner can pick up some.

It's a double mastectomy, but I have so much fluid build up (the suspected infected seromas), that I basically have an entire new set of tits. I'm at least a B cup now 😂 Not getting too worked up about it, in terms of dysphoria. Mostly I just want to have normal temperature again and my chest not to sound like a half-empty water bottle every time I move (it's the fucking weirdest feeling). Everything else will resolve itself one way or the other. Read More »

Still alive. Chemo finished 5 weeks ago - needed a blood transfusion in order to make the last two infusions (and to uhh keep conscious, because I kept fainting) but didn't have to postpone a round or be hospitalized, so that's a win!

While I still have a palpable hard lump, the scans are pretty good and show much less metabolic activity. Out of 12+ metabolically active lymph nodes in September, now only two remain. Out of 3 tumour lessions, only one is visible on the scans. So that's all pretty good news, after all.

Surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. I had a small cold over the weekend, so I hope that's not a reason to cancel. I'll call in the morning. Fingers crossed! Read More »

The transition from being able-bodied to chronically ill and basically partially disabled has been frustrating, even though I have seen it with my mother and grandmother, so I thought I was prepared for it. No I wasn't. I wasn't prepared how every day all my little energy goes into micromanaging everything, just to keep me functioning. I have to:

- be mindful that I have only about 3 hours of energy around mid-day, so if anything needs doing, that has to happen by 1 pm;

- make sure I eat at precise interval, because when I miss it by an hour, I start feeling shaky and sick;

- micromanage what I eat to be the most nutritionally dense thing in the smallest physical quantity so that I don't get shaky and sick, but also don't get gastrointestinal issues; Read More »

I'm finally starting chemo on Tuersday! \o/ It's going to be rude, ngl. We're going for 4 medications. The first two every two weeks for two months. Then the other two, every single bloody week for three months. If that doesn't kill it off, there is one more we can do as targeted therapy. Side effect of at least half of them is leukemia and other cancers, so yay, I guess.

The oncologist wore a Pride pin (my gaydar was screaming already when I saw her photo on the hospital website) and was deliberate that she would do her best not to misgender me or use my deadname.

CW: cancer

Month and a half in post-diagnosis, I haven't started treatment, because the hospital forgot me and I fell off the planning. :/ Now it looks like I'll start treatment in November. Meanwhile I'm chillin' with a tumor that a month ago was 12 cm at the smallest part and it keeps growing. More than 12 lymph nodes affected. Stage 3c. I don't know what is going to happen with me. Every bruise makes me fear it has spread to the bone marrow. Every lightheadedness makes me fear it's moved to the brain. And I've lost all hope for ever starting medical transition.